Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Hold on to your jewels; here's the update I know you've all been waiting for

Previous posts here and here

Woman Charged In Castration Among Those Indicted
A grand jury has indicted a Lillington woman on three charges of trying to castrate a man with her hands after a New Year's Eve party this year.

(trying? sounds like she did a heck of a good job to me)

She is also facing charges of assault on a law enforcement officer and injury to the personal property of the Lillington Police Department. She allegedly spit in the face of Officer Ronnie Bass and damaged his car as officers were trying to put her in the vehicle.

(were their tasers on the recharger, for crying out loud man, zap her)

Mrs. Dawson attacked Mr. Russ after getting into an argument with him and another woman. She allegedly used her fingernails to castrate the man.

(I'm sorry, but at a certain point all rules of propriety about not hitting women should be thrown out the window. She would have gotten to my jewels only through a flurry of punches, and as hard as I could hit)

When officers arrived on the scene they found him bleeding profusely. He was eventually taken to Betsy Johnson Regional Hospital, where doctors were able to reattach his scrotum.

(thank God for modern surgery and talented doctors) (hi dear, how did your day go; great, I reattached a guys scrotum, what's for dinner)


Gabrielle Eden said...

I want to tag you with the Thinking Blogger Award. Just kidding. You make me think, but I don't know about what!

Anonymous said...

Bah, I don't want people to think, I want them to laugh; at least shake their head and chuckle. You can't swing a dead cat without hitting a blog that is trying to make sense of the world, I'm trying to simply highlight the nonsense of the world.