My dad comes through with some winners.

Subject: Guinness Record

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day.

Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world."

Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world."

Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the ugliest and most obnoxious person in the world."

So they all decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their claims verified.

Sleeping Beauty went in first and came out looking deliriously happy. "It's official, I AM the most beautiful girl in the world."

Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am now officially the smallest person in the world."

Sometime later, Quasimodo comes out looking utterly confused and says, "Who the hell is Rosie O'Donnell?

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This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in Apache Jct , Az .

"WE'D RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1,000 AL QAEDA TERRORISTS THAN WITH ONE SINGLE AMERICAN."


You may ask what kind of business would dare post such a sign?

Answer: A Funeral Home