Humans caught pubic lice, aka "the crabs," from gorillas roughly three million years ago, scientists now report.
They have no real way to actually prove it, but it got their names in the news and some scientific journal, so they accomplished their mission.
Rather than through close encounters of the intimate kind, researchers explained humans most likely got the lice, which most commonly live in pubic hair, from sleeping in gorilla nests or eating the apes.
"It certainly wouldn't have to be what many people are going to immediately assume it might have been, and that is sexual intercourse occurring between humans and gorillas," explained researcher David Reed of the Florida Museum of Natural History. "Instead of something sordid, it could easily have stemmed from an activity that was considerably more tame."
You know, I may have spent countless hours, and come up with about five hundred other possible explanations, before I actually would have thought that it occurred by humans having sex with gorillas. Although, reading stories about guys having sex with dead deer, it makes you think it could be a possibility. I guess there must have been sick and demented cavemen back then.
My own scientific theory is that either Fred or Barney must have accidently swapped jock-straps with one of the gorillas on their football team at Bedrock High.
"The hardest part was collecting the gorilla lice, and without the help of our colleagues Chris Whittier and Michael Cranfield at the Mountain Gorilla Veterinary Project, we wouldn't have been able to do this project at all," Reed said. "They monitor the health of gorillas in Uganda, Rwanda, and the Democratic Republic of Congo. Through their monitoring program they have been able to collect ectoparasites, including lice."
No sh*t Sherlock, ya think. Now there's a dirty job for Mike Rowe, host of Dirty Jobs on the Discovery Channel. "Okay Mike, here's your tweezer and magnifying glass, and there's a half-ton mountain gorilla sleeping over there under that tree. Just very quietly sneak up on him, start rooting around in his pubic area, and grab some samples of those lice. No problems mate."
I wonder who's funding this research? Must be the National Institute for the Scientifically Insane.
4 comments:
Reaching carefully
Tweezers shaking in his hand.
Oops! Uh-oh! Run!!!! (Splat.)
So all this time spent on this study so that it benefits mankind how? The only sad thing about this is someone paid for the study, hopefully it was from some liberal group and not our govt, but then again I wouldn't be surprised if it came from one of the pork barrels.
What's really sad, IMO, is that these "researchers" probably have tenure for advancing such asinine ideas. What's even sadder is that none of them appear to have been seriously hurt in this research. Sometimes you gotta support the AKJ, you know.
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