Ten Signs An Astronaut Is Trying To Kill You
10. Says, "This is a giant leap for mankind as she tosses you off a bridge
9. You turn on CNN and see the Hubble Telescope focusing on your house
8. She promises to "Take you out like Pluto”
7. It sounds crazy, but you could swear Mars is following you
6. You were on the "Maury” episode: "I had a booty call and now an astronaut is trying to kill me”
5. Her previous attempt to kill you had been postponed due to high winds
4. She poisons your Tang
3. She says she looks forward to being the first to walk on your lifeless corpse
2. Been getting threatening e-mails from connie@internationalspacestation.com
1. She keeps stabbing you with a pen that writes upside-down
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