Another reason to detest liberal academia

Chimps May Have Learned to Use Tools Thousands of Years Ago (FoxNews)
Chimpanzees learned to make and use stone tools on their own, rather than copying humans, new evidence suggests.
This also means that chimps and humans likely inherited some of their sophisticated stone tool-use behaviors from a common ancestor, a report on the evidence claims.
"This is the only case of any prehistoric, non-human great ape tool use ever discovered," Mercader told LiveScience

Mercader went on to add that because of the grand importance of this miraculous discovery, he needs at least $50 million in more grant money to do additional research and come up with some type of explanation as to why the fact that monkeys pounding on nuts using a rock 5,000 years ago has any relevance whatsoever to anything dealing with mankind today. He says he plans to suck as much money as he can out of this totally worthless endeavor for as long as he can. He figures there are enough dim-witted, liberal, evolutionist thinking institutions in the world that will be a sugar-daddy to him until he retires.

This is getting me thinking about another area of research that could be tapped into. There are now product lines of butt-wipes available to mankind, an evolutionary advancement of your normal toilet paper. Going back in man's history, the progression of how mankind wiped his butt has gone through numerous changes. My belief is that if we can find some evidence of other primates using some form of butt-wiping capability, other than their hands (probably using leaves, or maybe large palm fronds), than it would most certainly prove that man and primates had some type of common ancestor that we all evolved from.

Now I just need to find the right forms to fill out for the grant request to fulfill this dream. I'm not sure of any exact figures, but I'd say $10,000,000 should be enough to get me started on this quest to find the missing link and common ancestry of man and monkeys. Along the way I also plan to prove that it was not Confucius that gave us the great bit of wisdom: "man who goes to bed with itchy butt, wakes up with smelly fingers." I think that saying was written on some neanderthal cave writing about 5000 BC; I'm gonna find it.