MOLD Convention_part 3

MN Organization of Liberal Democrats (fictional convention reports) (just wanted to make this claim for your average liberal who may stumble on this site, they'd probably be wondering how they missed this convention)

When I last left you, I made it through a session which was loaded with liberals who had a history of censoring and banning conservative thought from schools and workplaces, and were now learning how to prevent conservatives from doing it to them. It took all I had to refrain from whopping some of these people up the side of the head.

Back in the main hallway, I moseyed along and checked out some of the booths set up along the way. One in particular caught my eye, being a father, which read---Let’s Make Champions Out Of All Our Kids. I’m always willing to learn methods to motivate our kids to work harder and strive to be the best they can be. I forgot this was a liberal convention.

Turns out these people were initiating a petition to have the MN State High School League change its class designations to make it easy, (easier) for more schools to win championships. They basically want every sport to simply have two schools face off at the end of the year and vie for a state championship. So, if there are 300 hockey teams in the state, the divisions would be 1A-150A. We can’t have divisions with any other letters, because that could denote lower strength and thus damage the psyches of some student-athletes. All the regular season games would just be played for fun and exercise. In this way far more athletes would be proud of themselves and their self-esteem would rise.

The fact that there are still losers in the end is no problem. All members of the losing teams would be named all-state athletes. This is the kind of short-sighted, long-term consequence, idiotic initiative that should be thrown in the dung-heap before it even has a chance to breathe; but, this is Minnesota, so I expect it will be in effect within 5 years.

The initial general session of the convention was going to be starting soon, so I thought I had best run out and get something to eat. There were a lot of people walking around munching on assorted tofu edibles; but I did notice a lot of non-vegan liberals who were heading out the doors as well and bee-lining it to local eateries.
As I was crossing the street there happened to be what looked like a play taking place in front of a popular steak house. The actors were all dressed up as farm animals, and surrounding them were people carrying PETA signs denouncing the owners as murderers and nazi thugs. They were burning an effigy of Robert Mitchum. (if you get this crack, give yourself a point) I stopped to watch a bit; and actually it was rather poignant. They were re-creating one of the closing scenes from Braveheart, where William Wallace is being tortured to death. The guy in the cow costume did an amazing job imitating Mel Gibson, and when he yelled---‘FREEDOM’, all the costumed chickens and horses and pigs had tears in their eyes, while the human actors all cheered and reveled in the death of this brave cow. It was all very touching.

I stayed a little longer than I had wanted, so instead of eating a big t-bone steak I just ordered a steak sandwich and ate it as I walked back to the dome. Stay tuned for report after the initial general session and keynote speaker.