Throw in some tackling and you'd have the perfect game.

Fox News Out There

The Field Says Soccer but the Game's Called 'Toequet'
WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. (AP) — Dowdy, wimpy, elitist — that's the stereotype of croquet, Bob Alman concedes. A former manager at the National Croquet Center here, he knows his sport has an image problem.
But Alman has an answer, and another set of adjectives for a hybrid soccer and croquet game he's helped invent: goofy, outrageous and all-terrain. He's hoping the new sport can boost croquet's image.
Played with colored soccer balls that are kicked instead of hit and jumbo-sized wickets, the hybrid game is called Toequet. Another version using standard croquet mallets has been dubbed Malletball.
"I think of it as an extreme form of croquet," said Alman, who is also editor of a croquet magazine. "I think the super-size, the extreme factor, helps take away a little bit of the wimp."

I like croquet, and I'm not dowdy, wimpy or elitist. The reason I liked this story was because the guy reminded me of my high school gym teacher, Mr. Pulley.

Mr. Pulley devised some wild games that we would play in the gym. The thing about his games: the more hitting and physical contact, the more he loved it. We'd be playing and I'd nail some other kid and I'd here a booming, "niiiiiiice hiiiiiit Dave." He just ate it up. (I'm not quite sure how long Mr Pulley would have lasted in today's schools, where they're outlawing tag during recess)