8 Ways to Avoid Germs (You'll Be Shocked by How Close Germs Are) (Newsmax)
1. Don't Touch the First Floor Elevator Button!
2. Dangerous Shopping Cart Handles
3. Watch Those Escalator Handrails
4. Use the First Toilet
Research shows that most people use the middle stall in public bathrooms, so avoid those. More use means they're the dirtiest and have the most germs.
5. Office Coffee Pots Dripping With Disease
6. Kitchen Woes
7. Your Desk Is Dirtier Than the Toilet
8. Avoid Hand Shaking, Kissing


And that's all the information you'll ever need?

No Sir, oh bacteria breath, there are more. (Think Johnny and Ed)

9. Wear a haz-mat suit anytime you go out, tell people it's the latest fashion trend from Milan (alternative for the ladies, start wearing burkhas, and tell people you just adore the look)
10. Always be proactive and think WWHHD, What Would Howard Hughes Do.
11. Always wear at least one glove; tell everyone you're a Michael Jackson groupie. (wrist sweaters don't count)
12. Don't use public restrooms, find secluded areas and go. (alternative, wear a catheter and urine bag)
13. Instead of shaking hands or kissing, lean around and sniff their butts, tell them your experimenting with alternative lifestyles.
14. Carry and use hand-wipes constantly, tell people your hero is Adrian Monk, the defective detective.
15. Carry a water bottle everywhere; but instead of water, fill it with bleach. Pour it on anything you need to touch.
16. Sue to have yourself declared handicap, go on welfare, stay in your house always and live off the government and taxpayers for the rest of your life.