MOLD Convention_Part 4 (click on links under profile to read previous reports)

Recap: I ran over to get something to eat, and was now on my way back to make the opening general session. The steak sandwich tasted great. I was accosted walking across the street by one of the PETA nutcases dressed in a cow suit; but, they were almost hit by a car and backed off. That would have been a sight, I’ve never seen a cow as roadkill. Luckily he made it back to the sidewalk where he was able to go display his tolerance and diversity by getting in the face of some other monstrous meat-eater.

Before re-entering the dome, I noticed a lot of activity going on near a large cavalcade of limousines. It seems there was a mass entry of limo-liberals that were starting to come in for the first general session. I’m not sure, but I think I saw a red carpet and Joan Rivers standing there with a microphone. Security was very visible keeping away the riff-raff as these champions of liberal ideology and mouthpieces for the little guy paraded themselves in and had the little guys pushed to the side.

When I got back into the dome I needed to make a little pit stop, and was met by another surprise. The organizers decided to follow the lead of their brethren nutcases in California and make all the restrooms unisex. I stretched my memory as far back as I could go, but I could not ever remember standing at the trough in a metrodome restroom with a guy standing next to me wearing a dress and high heels. To top it off, I don’t recall having a woman stand next to me while washing my hands at the sink and ask me, “what about those Vikings?” Some things are a little stranger than others in liberalworld.

I made my way in and found a seat in the main arena. The surrealism of what followed is too much to write about here; so let me just hit some of the highlights. The burning of the flag opening ceremony was a sight to behold. The cheers and roar that went up as our flag was torched was reminiscent of game 7 when the Twins scored the winning run against Atlanta in ’91. There was a glowing and nauseating tribute to St. Paul Wellstone, which included a plug to have the Little Green Bus registered as a national treasure. Some local rap group performed a medley of their greatest hits (although I couldn’t make any distinction between any of their songs, I just heard a lot of ‘shoot the mother******* and saw a lot a strutting around) The biggest laugh I had was when Al Franken was introduced to the crowd as a future senator of Minnesota (after the laugh came the shudder) (p.s. being a comedian, has he ever done anything funny in his career, the only thing I recall from him was the role as the bungling, doofus baggage handler in Trading Places, and I don’t think he had to stretch himself in that role) I almost nodded off during Garrison Keillor’s little speech. And finally, the keynote speaker himself was Howard Dean. The little I remember from his lunatic ranting and raving was an awful lot of yehahs and I heard Hitler and Nazis thrown around so much that I thought I was watching the History Channel. The session ended with a rousing rendition of “We are the World,” which in Minnesota’s case is too close to the truth, except it should be re-written to “We’re Overrun with the Refugees of the World, (and Chicago).”

Stay tuned for report #5.